Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
