I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
