Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
