I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
