whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
