Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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