I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
