I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
