I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
