Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
