she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize