based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
