Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize
