i jhust puked up my retainher.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
please come you make the beer taste better
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
