she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
