I CAN MOONWALK!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
