someone threw a dead crab at me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
this is an emotional support booty call
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
