Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
