No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
God, I missed his penis.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
