I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize