Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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