he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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