filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
