Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
