The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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