as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
