I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
