I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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