The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
