my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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