I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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