dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
