i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
