no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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