This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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