I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
