There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
