If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
