woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize