I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
