I just made out with a guy for $7.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
