I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
