where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
