Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
