she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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