I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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