My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
