This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
