and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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