She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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