How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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