nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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