WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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