Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
