they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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