Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
