Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
