Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
