One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
