The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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