why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
